


It's About Time I Told You

by friendoftheJabberwock



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: (technically 4+1 Things), 5+1 Things, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Love Confessions, Pre-Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:54:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28905198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendoftheJabberwock/pseuds/friendoftheJabberwock
Summary: Four times Michael is there for Tilly, and one time Tilly comforts Michael.Actually,comforts Michaelis a bit of an understatement.
Relationships: Michael Burnham/Sylvia Tilly
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18
Collections: Star Trek New Year Exchange 2021





	It's About Time I Told You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [firelord65](https://archiveofourown.org/users/firelord65/gifts).



> Thanks for the great prompt, firelord65! I've been meaning to try the 5+1 Things format and this was a lot of fun to write.
> 
> Anyway, let the self-indulgent romance begin.

I

Ensign Sylvia Tilly sat on her bed, trying to hold back the flood and words and tears without much luck. Michael had asked her if she wanted to talk about it. Yeah, she was going to talk about it whether she liked it or not.

"I remember when I was eight years old my school had a team of – I don't even know – some Starfleet officers come in and talk to us about the Federation, and how we could do anything we wanted, and any one of us could one day be flying amongst the stars or standing right where they were then and inspiring a whole new generation. And pretty much every bone in my body thought they were crazy. I was only eight, but I already knew that I either didn't speak or wouldn't shut up and knew too many things but didn't know enough and I knew my classmates knew and I thought the whole world knew and that I would always be nothing. And yet, somehow –" She took a deep breath and shook her head. "– somehow, some little something inside me heard those words and thought yes, I can do that. I can do all of that and more. And I have been holding on to that little piece of I-don't-even-know-what ever since and it's been growing. It's been slow, but it's been growing."

She glanced at Michael, well aware of the tumble of words and what they tended to make people do. But Michael was still there, brown eyes focused only on her and listening – actually listening. Listening to her babble on about her failed battle simulation for the Command Training Program – not that this was even about just the Program any longer. God, she thought. I am oozing every insecurity I have and I can't stop.

"And so that is what I do, day in and day out. I fight for that little seed. I fight so it can grow and grow and grow and some days I'm doing it and I can just feel this wonderful confidence that feels too good to be real. And then it turns out it is too good to be real, and I'm back down here on rock bottom again and I feel like my whole future's shriveled when it's really only one failed simulation for God's sake, but I can never convince myself of that." She flopped back on her bed with a sigh, fingers fiddling anxiously with her hair. "I'm so sorry. You didn't need all that."

Michael looked her in the eye. " _You_ needed that. And besides – you think I don't ever feel like that? Me, the mutineer, who is somehow on board a Starfleet ship again doing something worthwhile instead of rotting in prison? This always feels too good to be real and that I shouldn't be the one with a second chance."

Sylvia laughed with a touch of hysteria. "But you're – you're –"

"Confident? Determined? A little arrogant? Girl, I'm good at acting like those things. There's a difference, believe me." Michael reached down and clasped Sylvia's hand. "Come on. You can do this. In the meantime, I'm supposed to recalibrating the sensor arrays – want to lend a hand?"

Sylvia managed a smile and sat up. "Yeah. That would be great."

"I'll say this again. You can do this. Right?"

She does care, thought Sylvia. She cares about me. Someone cares, and that's the best feeling, and she's beautiful and she's holding my hand –

No. Don't go there. Please.

"Right. Yes. I'm ready."

* * *

II

Tattered, yellow light filtered into the bridge of the ISS Discovery. The whole ship shuddered and felt close to breaking with every blast from the battle that raged outside. They would be blown to bits, sooner or later, and she knew it. She would never admit that – no, she'd die trying.

"Captain, we must disengage. Our ship is faster; we can outrun them."

Her first officer – the fool. She knew he would show his true colors sometime, and here he was.

"Shut your coward mouth! That is, unless you would like to demonstrate the latest model of agonizer for us," she purred.

He didn't back down. "In that case, I take command of this ship." He pulled out a phaser, ready to fire, but somehow she got there first, and shot him where he stood, and couldn't stop, and fired and fired and fired until every single living thing aboard the bridge was a bloody mess and –"

Sylvia spiraled out of the dream and woke with a start. Paralysis turned to panting which turned to frantic sobs, desperately muffled with her pillow.

It was a dream, she told herself.

It was a dream.

A dream.

Just a dream.

But Killy – that's me, too, she thought. A different version of me, and yet –

"Tilly?"

No, not now! She hesitated, clenched her hands, swallowed, and tried to blink away the residue. "Michael! I'm – I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. I'm fine." There, that sounded almost respectable, at least.

"The hell you are."

Darn it. "It was just a dream, I really am fine –"

"Tilly – you were crying out. I know the Mirror Universe did a number on your head. It did for all of us, really, because how could it not?"

"Yeah..."

"Killy is not you, okay? You're Sylvia Tilly. You're wonderful, you're kind, you're caring... she's not you. She never has been and she never will be."

It was too much. "I'm sorry." Her voice broke. "I know, but I just... I'm sorry."

"Do you need a hug?"

"What?"

Michael chuckled softly. "I may be the human-Vulcan weirdo, but I know you need a hug right now." She stood up, stretched, and walked toward Sylvia's side of their room and stopped by her bed. "Do you mind?"

"Um, no, I – that would be great. God. I'm sorry. I need to stop crying."

Michael stretched out on the bed beside Sylvia and curved an arm around her shoulders. "Crying is an emotional release, and you need to do that right now. That's fine. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere."

Sylvia felt the ball of misery inside her begin to unwind as the minutes ticked by. She was safe. Michael was here, holding her close. Michael was holding her. Michael was safe. Michael said she was wonderful...

She drifted off to sleep again.

* * *

III

"Large triple espresso, please."

"You sure that's enough caffeine, Sylvia?"

Sylvia jumped, and then heaved a sigh. "Sorry, Michael, I didn't see you. I'm a bit distracted."

"I can see that."

"Actually, one time I ordered a quadruple espresso even though the computer told me not to. As it turned out the computer was quite correct. So I'm trying to scale things back this time."

Michael chuckled. "I was joking, you know."

"Right. Yeah. You were."

"What's on your mind?"

Sylvia collected her coffee and slumped against the wall. "It's my mom's birthday today and I'm calling her in about an hour. I am trying not to be nervous – I got some really great feedback on my last assessment, and you can bet I'll be telling her all about that – but I'm just not ready. I'm not ready to be told that no, it doesn't matter if I'm 'a natural engineer' or 'show creativity and resiliency under simulated battle conditions,' they must just be mistaken and I'm still not good enough."

"You do know you're more than good enough?"

"Thanks. Thank you. I try to tell myself I'm doing great – I really try – but there is a big difference between knowing things intellectually and actually, truly believing something and I keep running into that time and time again." She took a gulp of coffee. "Oooh, this is hot. Very hot. Anyway, the long and short of it is I end up drinking a lot of coffee." And saying far too much, she thought.

"First of all, do you want some ice for that?"

Right. Tackling the small problems, and then on to the big ones. "That would be great, thanks." She passed her cup to Michael, who requested a few cubes of ice from the replicator and then handed it back.

"Now that we have your coffee taken care of, on to the second part of what I was going to say – let me recap some things for you. You are Ensign Sylvia Tilly. You helped end an entire war and were decorated for it. Now, you're on the command track and on your way to earning your own command and it this rate that's going to come sooner rather than later. I've seen you struggle, yes, but I've also seen how much you've achieved. Don't let anyone – anyone – ever tell you you're less than you are, and I don't care if they're your parent or not. Either way I'll have some choice words to say to them."

Sylvia loved it when Michael ended up like this – eyes on fire, animated, knowing just what was needed and how to do it. And knowing this was all on her behalf, that Michael believed in her. Strong Michael, wicked smart, with those gorgeous eyes and cheekbones and lips focused on no one but her if only for a moment – Sylvia wanted nothing more than reach out to her, kiss her until she couldn't breathe, stroke her hair, and sleep in her arms every night...

A strange voice broke her train of thought. "Excuse me? Are you two still using the replicator?"

"Oh! No, we're not, we're just leaving, so sorry –"

Michael pulled her away. "Come on, you've got a call to make. Ready?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I think I am now." With Michael here – with the way Michael looked at her and set her heart on fire – she felt ready for just about anything. Michael was special that way, and Sylvia loved it.

Actually, thought Sylvia, the idea hitting her like a ton of bricks, I love her. I love Michael.

I love Michael.

God, as if there weren't enough problems to deal with already...

* * *

IV

The party would have been a lot of fun – music, drinks, a chance to do something other than being stressed and exhausted for once – except that one of the auxiliary power linkages in engineering had failed in spectacular fashion and Sylvia had been up late the previous night to help fix it, and the nap she had snuck in that morning just wasn't enough. She knew she should have been back in her quarters and in bed, but couldn't convince herself to miss this.

Beer pong had been fun for a little while – she was the reigning champion, after all – but eventually the music had gotten a little too loud and the conversations a little too tiring and she'd ended up on the periphery of the crowd without much to do but people watch, which inevitably turned into watching Michael Burnham and ignoring everyone else.

Michael, at least, seemed to be enjoying herself. Sylvia watched Michael cajole Saru into trying to dance with her and couldn't help but smile at the result – Saru was graceful but couldn't quite match the fast tempo of the music, and eventually they both dissolved into laughter after kicking each other yet again. It wonderful to see Michael so carefree and relaxing like this at last. If only she were dancing with me, Sylvia thought.

Then Michael must have spotted her – she said something to Saru and started walking on over. Sylvia readied herself.

"Hey, Syl! Are you doing okay?"

'Syl' was new. She managed a nervous laugh. "Yeah, fine - just tired, you know. I was up fixing that stupid linkage last night."

"What are you doing out of bed, then?"

Fair question. "Oh, come on, we haven't had a proper party in months – I couldn't miss this."

Michael laughed. "You doing anything specific right now?"

"No, just watching someone – people! Just people-watching." Oh God, she thought. Oh God. Curse my clumsy, sleep-deprived mouth. Maybe Michael didn't notice?

No. She definitely did, and she was definitely smirking.

"I see... what is this person like?"

"Um..."

"Oh, don't mind me. I'm just asking as your friend, in case you felt like sharing. Besides, I've been eyeing someone too."

Sylvia usually loved to watch Michael laughing – except this time. Kill me now, she thought. Please. "Oh...?"

"Sorry, I get it if you're tired and don't feel like talking. You really should get to bed."

"Yeah, I should," she stammered. "Goodnight!"

"See you tomorrow."

Sylvia practically ran all the way back to her quarters in utter relief.

* * *

V

"Michael? Michael!" She had barely made it off the transporter pad before Sylvia wrapped her up in a hug. "I'm so glad you're safe, I was so worried – I thought –"

"Yeah," said Michael flatly. "I'm glad to be back too, but I have to get back to the bridge." She almost brushed Sylvia aside.

Sylvia stepped back, hurt. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," said Michael, but her tone was unconvincing.

"Listen, I'll be back in our quarters because I'm off-duty right now. Why don't you come back and get some rest when you can?"

Michael softened slightly. "I'll do that. See you soon."

It was no wonder Michael was so upset, thought Sylvia as she walked back to their quarters. She'd been leading an away team that was mediating diplomatic negotiations between two rival civilizations in the Epsilon Delta star system. Initially both parties welcomed mediation, but they soon grew resentful of what they began to see as Federation overreach. Standard procedures would have called for withdrawal, but Michael was convinced she could make things work and persuaded Starfleet. She couldn't, and the fallout was two more hostile species and five officers who barely escaped capture.

And of course, concluded Sylvia, she blames herself. She always does.

Michael made it back to their room half an hour later and slumped on her bed with her head in her hands.

"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Sylvia.

"I'm not sure what there is to say. I was convinced, yet again, that I knew what I was doing, and yet again I was very, very wrong," said Michael, her voice harsh.

Sylvia walked over to Michael and sat down next to her, before hesitantly putting an arm around her and giving her a quick squeeze. "You know how many times I have doubted myself and you've put me back together and kept me going? It's my turn now. You are so smart, and so capable, and... and none of this changes that." She shook her head. "You made the best decision you could, given what you knew at the time, and you got your team away safely. You can't sit here and yell at yourself for not being omniscient, okay?"

"Okay," choked Michael, tears beginning to leak out. "I'll try."

"You're amazing, Michael, you know that? I don't know what I would do without you."

Michael hugged Sylvia back. "I don't know what I'd do without you, either."

Sylvia turned to face her and laughed. "You're kidding."

"Of course not. I like you a lot."

Sylvia had no idea of what to make of that. But Michael was right here, and so close, and why not? "I... I like you too," she stammered.

Michael was still sitting there, staring back at her. Not enough, she thought. For once didn't say enough. "I mean... do you want to get drinks or do something sometime? The two of us? Alone?"

Michael opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Screw it, thought Sylvia. I'm done with this nonsense. "I love you, Michael. You're the most amazing woman I've ever known, and I love you." She let out a hysterical giggle. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to ask you out on a date and really, truly bungling this."

"Sylvia," said Michael, eyes welling with tears again, "you're not bungling this in the slightest. I…" She swallowed. "I love you too, and it's about time I told you that."

Sylvia felt like the floor had just dropped out from under her in the best way possible. Michael loved her – silly, talkative, clumsy Ensign Tilly. It shouldn't be possible, but here they were.

Before she knew it Michael's hand was cradling her cheek and they were pulling towards each other, closer and closer, and then Michael's lips were pressed against her own and Sylvia felt the rest of the world fall away, still barely believing this was happening.

When they finally broke apart, Sylvia tried to contain herself but could do absolutely nothing but grin like an idiot. "I... can I take that as a yes for a date, then?"

Michael threw back her head and laughed. "Oh, yes."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
